#the old men yaoi ain’t leaving me alone

[l-alan-l]

Saw Holiday on Ice today and literally the only thing that I kept thinking about was how I could turn this into a Capvers AU

[aiden-and-jody]

I fell guilty every time I cringe in repulsion at gay-guy porn, especially yaoi. It’s for one reason; no women, no thank you.

Just a porn preference, see I set that up to look all bad but it wasn’t. I just have to say though, being this is my book of shadows and not yours, that...

I just really don’t care about two dudes my dude. This is self expression, not an attack on your opinions. I’m talking about the porn I like, not your lifestyle. Okay? Okay. The opening? It’s called a joke.

And man I’m like SO bored when I see two dudes. I’m like ew get a chick in there so I can feel something. This is because I just find female bodies more interesting, and I also can’t and won’t get off to two guys who’d probably be upset that I was masturbating to them.

Think about it female yaoi fans; if the guys you were jilling/jerking it to suddenly turned around and saw you... they’d throw you out. Yell at you. Call you disgusting. Like... the idea of porn, FOR ME, is that you put yourself into the shoes of the person. Why jerk it to people who aren’t attracted to you?

See I had a big weeaboo phase as a kid where I distanced myself mentally from my real body and came up with an OC replacement for myself. Someone I deemed thinner, prettier, better. She looked as tacky and DeviantART as you can imagine, and I put this version of myself forward in all my thought processes.

So for those who say “it’s my OC I think about with them” bros you can’t play pretend that hard so far into adulthood. It’s a natural part of childhood and I ain’t here dissing any 13 year olds for doing it but if you’re 18+ it’s time to stop. I’m not saying don’t “have OC’s” either but you realized a mature creative writer doesn’t call their original characters OC’s or self inserts because they’re full fledged characters written for their work. Aaron Paul isn’t gonna call BoJack his OC, I just clock anyone using OC’s as below the age of 18.

And being that I have NSFW things on here, I’m going to start distancing myself from anyone I think is below that age. I appreciate the people that follow this blog but it’s a book of shadows, not something I’m obsessively checking how many follow me. So anyone that posts yaoi and self inserts, I’m gonna be unfollowing.

For the record it’s my dashboard and it’s for me, and I only want on it what I want on it. No female pussy, no female dick, no thank you. I’m attracted to men but not gay men because I’m not deserpate and sad and when I see gay men I show them the respect I wanted from straight men when I was younger; I leave them the fuck alone.

And have you ever stopped to really ask how the gay men in the porn would feel to find out a woman was jacking it to it? Come on. If you wanna feel like you could be laughed at mid masturbation then that’s your deal. Idk man, my sexuality is too sacred to me, and the sexuality of those who do NOT want me to participate.

Like leave them alone you faghag. They have a term for said women that only like gay men. It’s really just.... it’s sad. It’s unfeminist, it’s unfriendly to gay men, it’s just disrespecting yourself and them at the same time.

“But guys jerk to women who don’t want them all the time” do they? Do they tho? You sure those lesbians are real and not two paid straight women? They’d only find the real lesbians in the female ejaculation category and idk how many DUDEbros are going into there. There’s still scared of our bodies.

And I GUESS you could tell me to fuck off and watch whatever porn you want but I still think it’s hella embarrassing

[vivalasthedas]

Joseph romance ending ramblings cause fuck it i’m bored 

I entirely see where the criticisms are coming from. The choice to make him seem closeted isn’t one without meaning and the writers should’ve thought about how it would come across, and they’re definitely not handling the push back well. At all. 

However. As the kid of parents who have both cheated, with a sister who has cheated with friends who condone cheating, his story makes a lot of sense and does work pretty well. He isn’t that unhappy. He’s fucking playing you. It’s an act, and from the dialog it’s one he’s used before. 

He wants to have his marriage and keep banging other people on the side so he does that incredibly cliche married man thing of ‘its not working out’ ‘im so unhappy’ but then they decide the hassle of divorce, the loss of reputation, the potential loss of money or access to kids etc. is just not worth it. They’re going to make it work. Give it the old college try. This is literally every piece of media where the main girl boinks a married man. It was set up in this exact same way. 

The unfortunate implications that the writers were fucking idiots to not think about or realize is that by having him be religious, by having his cheating only be with men, they set up a very clear and real and painful reality for a lot of closeted religious gay men who experience compulsory heterosexuality and increased cultural pressure to conform to it. A happy ending for a religious gay man is incredibly uncommon and they ignored this and decided to just keep following that trend. Which is bullshit. 

But Joseph isn’t meant as some incredibly unhappy closeted married man. He’s meant as a cheater who wants to keep the reputation and appearance of a het. marriage and kids and religious cornerstone stuff but also bang people on the side. He asks that of you, to be his side piece, and from the dialog he likely did the same to Robert. Strung along either as a dirty little secret or with the promise of he’ll leave her soon. 

And if it were truly a moment of weakness it would be once. It would be a moment. A single time accident it wouldn’t be a pattern of cheating and wanting to maintain long term extramarital affairs. 

And HOLY SHIT

can we cool it with the dumb shit of ‘if mary was a boy you’d hate her’ no. Stop. You don’t get to erase decades of heavy obvious fandom misogyny with wild accusations like that. If Mary were a dude the story would’ve made it much clearer that Joseph was a cheater not a deeply unhappy closeted religious man. It actually would’ve solved a number of the issues with the story. 

But. If she were a dude there would be so many people absolutely in love with her, drawing their dadsona with her instead. Yaoi fan girls wanting to romance her instead or demanding an ot3 ending. 

The initial reaction to Mary was one rooted in clear and pervasive fandom sexism. Demonizing her to make him seem so much more sad and puppy dog until you realize that out of the two of them she’s probably the one who’s a lot more actually fucking ruined. 

And I’m seeing way too many mlm who are getting hyped and angry about the joseph thing repeating the same shit that fangirls did in the first few hours when it comes to their approach to mary. 

‘cheating isn’t just sex’ you’re right, it’s not. Personally I don’t think what Mary does constitutes cheating, she goes out and drinks and flirts and then returns alone and unhappy. Never acting on it. Just looking for validation she sure as shit ain’t getting at home. 

But Joseph? He fucks other people. And she knows about it. From dialog with her it seems it’s a common issue, so much so that she recognizes his type and his patterns. That’s cheating. And in no way does what she does compare. 

She is not an ‘innocent’ party in this, she could’ve done something, ended things, her coping mechanism is harmful and has led to an alcoholic parent. Which, from experience as the kid in a very similar situation, is fucking miserable. She seems like a pretty fucking neglectful parent but so does he honestly. We get that one good scene with him and his daughter but we also know he’d rather sit around and read about knot tying than stop his two young children vanishing into deep woods. And he’d rather keep them in an unhappy environment he created than deal with it. 

They’re both fucking miserable because of the shit he’s started and caused. She did not cause him to cheat, he made those decissions. 

They fucked up how they handled it by not making it much clearer that he is faking that shit. Even Robert warns you he’s fucking lying. And to some extent I get why they did that, to make it more believable. But that isn’t a decision you can remove from context of an sga man who is religious and married to a woman. It’s poorly handled and deserves a lot of criticism. 

But how about we stop trying to make it ‘even’ stop trying to make Mary into the villain here. They’ve both fucked up, but i kinda think the guy who has boinked people outside of his marriage multiple times but would rather keep his dysfunctional and unhappy family together because it’s easier and better for him, as a pillar of the community, to do so instead of letting things disolve and separate and move on, is probably a bit more to blame than the woman who saw her husband cheat on her time and time again and turned to alcohol because of it. 

And goddamn is this pretty difficult for me to write because i’m basically defending my mom here. And I hate her. As her kid I fucking hate her because she did the same thing, she turned to alcohol and drugs to deal with emotionally unfulfilling relationships and it destroyed us. But know who started that shit? The men. My dad and her partner. Who cheated on her. 

And I’ve seen my dad do the same shit Joseph does. He was in such a bad place, it hurt so much, mom just didn’t understand, new woman did etc. etc. 

It’s common justifications to cheating. Was the decision to have him be religious fucking stupid and cause a whole heap of unnecessary and avoidable drama because it ignored current political and cultural pressures? YES. VERY YES. Does that mean he’s not a scummy cheater who has caused irreparable damage to his family? NOPE. 

[ohnohetaliasues]

Kidnapped by Sexy Men (Ch.33+34) Two in one special!

(Kat)

If I faint again in this chapter, I’d think about going to get that checked out.

As you got ready for the said Sparkle Party, you could hear music from the kitchen. Foreign music to be exact. You hurried up with getting ready and left outside for the kitchen.

Can I die now?

"What is the?" You then had to get a towel and place it to your nose. Oh. Mein. Gott. Germany and Prussia were sing Virus by LaFee. "Und du nimmst ihn mir weg, du kleines Stückchen Dreck! Du Schlampe bist so link, dass es bis zur Hölle stinkt! Und du fragst auch noch dumm, ob ich sauer bin warum? Was soll sein? Ich hau dir eine rein!" Germany and Prussia kept trading line by line as they sung. You listen and nosebleeded as the chorus came.

That’s.... a violent song. 

Here’s a translation: And you take him away, you little piece of muck! You slut is so left that it stinks to hell! And you also ask stupidly whether I am angry, why? What should be? I’m gonna hit you!

"Ich wünsch dir einen Virus Ich wünsch dir fiese Pickel ins Gesicht Ich wünsch dir nen Bazillus Und alles Schlechte nur für dich Ich wünsch dir einen Virus Ich wünsche dir die Krätze an den Hals Ich wünsch dir nen Bazillus, der dich hässlich macht und alt. Ich wünsch dir einen Virus..." 

And this is just mean.

Translation: I wish you a virus I wish you nasty pimples in the face I wish you a virus And everything Bad for you only I wish you a virus I wish you the scabies to the neck I wish you a virus that makes you ugly and old. I wish you a virus ...

You couldn't take it. They were singing in the kitchen while recording; probably to put it on YouTube. You left the room. "Goddamn sexy Germans..." You mumbled. Then that is when you heard it. The Asian Sparkle Party. You smiled as you heard the KPop song "Gee" by Girls' Generation. You heard that it was coming from the...roof? You ascended the stairs until you came to the roof.

"My dear god." You said as you seen the Asian family sparkle party. It wasn't as cray as you pictures it but...German Sparkle Parties were usually crazy.

I’ve never seen a German Sparkle Party. So I wouldn’t know.

You looked around the roof (flat roof) to see South Korea "groping" his older brother North Korea; whom was very hot I must say. 

I have mixed feelings about this.

North Korea probably wouldn’t be there, as he doesn’t have good relationships with most of the other asian countries. I think I explained why in a review I did.

Taiwan and Vietnam were giggling over a yaoi manga while Beijing and Thailand seemed to be arguing about whether JPop, KPop, or CPop was the best kind of Pop. You looked over to Japan to see him nosebleeding over a picture that he and Hong King drew of you...In sparkles.

 China was reviewing the drawing and its "detail". Speaking of Sparkles...they covers the floor. Rainbow Sparkles to be exact but mostly red sparkles.

Time to run.

As the next AsianPop song came on (their music will consist of JPop, KPop, and CPop Pop) you were noticed by Taiwan. She walked over to you as the song "The DJ is Mine" by Wonder Girls came on. "Hello! You must be [Kat] right?" She smiled at you. You felt like punching her. You really hated Taiwan since she was paired up with almost every Asian boy in fandom. But that was only fandom...right?

Oh my god no.

I like Taiwan, thank you, and I actually kind of like JapTai. 

I would not punch the little cinnamon roll that is Taiwan.

"Yes. It's nice to meet you, Taiwan." You extended a hand for her to shake it but she ignored it. "Strike one." You thought. You decided to give her three strikes...then she would be out like Belarus.

No. I like Taiwan.

Plus, she’s cute.

Just look at this cutie:

She’s adorable.

"Hello, I am Vietnam." Vietnam said from behind Taiwan before she left to join the argument with Thailand and Beijing. North Korea then came over. "I hope he doesn't use any North Korea Sparkle Charm on me!" You thought as he smiled at you. He looked so sexy with his army uniform...long braid...orangish eyes...As you were lost in your fangirl world your favorite KPop song of all time came on. Singing time. (I personally love this song too!) It was "Can't Nobody" by 2NE1. "Balmain to KTZ. Many style from A to Z. Jeremy Scott Givenchy. Bitch You ain't got shit on me. Chrome hearts. Fendi furs. Dripped in shits you never heard." You sung then did the special laugh that CL did after this verse. 

I’m sorry, I listen to a few KPop bands occasionally, mainly Parkbom, but I’ve never heard this song.

All eyes were on you. You blushed as you continued to sing. As Liechtenstein said in the note...enjoy the Sparkle Parties. "Ridin' down Seoul city. Black on black Lamborghini. Haters can't never see me. Come and get me, too slow. I'm bout that paper chasing. Body, fly face amazing. Burn burn keeps it blazin. Too hot to handle, can't touch this. You think you with it with it. But you can't hit it hit it. You know I got it got it Cuz I'm so bout it bout it. I let them hoes know I run this show show. We get it poppin And we stick you for your dough dough. Cuz I'm so bad bad But I'm so good good. Yeah I'm so bad bad And I'm so hood hood!" It was like you were speaking to Taiwan. You were letting those hoes know that you run the show.

--- After the song was over you were left with no breath left. But just as you finished drinking a bottle of water. The next totally epic song came on.

Okay, I did say double chapter, so here we go!

Also, I just found out that there is a series of these “Sexy Men” series.

Dear lord.

Well, at least I know that I have plenty more to review.

"Sekai de ichiban ohime-sama, Sou iu atsukai kokoroete yo ne." As soon as the first stanza was sung, you looked over to Japan and flashed him a smile. He was blushing like crazy. He probably couldn't believe that you were actually doing something like this. It was actually funny because you didn't know why the hell you were doing this either! "Sono ichi itsumo to chigau kamigata ni ki ga tsuku koto. Sono ni chanto kutsu made miru koto ii ne? Sono san watashi no hitokoto ni wa mittsu no kotoba de henji suru koto. Wakattara migite ga orusu nano wo nantoka shite!" You tried to dance with the few steps that you remembered from the "World Is Mine" MMD video. You knew that you must've looked retarded but...Japan thought otherwise.

Cringing so much right now.

"Betsu ni wagamama nante itte nai n dakara. KIMI ni kokoro kara omotte hoshii no kawaii tte." Now you felt kinda full of yourself. You were having so much fun making Japan blush and having Thailand have to hold back China AND Hong Kong from glomping you and screaming "Kawaii, aru!" Not to mention the slightly jealous look on Taiwan's face. Japan was yours. "Sekai de ichiban ohime-sama. Ki ga tsuite nee nee. Mataseru nante rongai yo. Watashi wo dare dato omotteru no? Mou nanda ka amai mono ga tabetai! Ima sugu ni yo." You made sure to give Taiwan a sassy look every once in a while as you sung and danced. She seemed really mad. 

Leave.

Her.

ALONE.

Mission accomplished. "Ketten? Kawaii no machigai desho. Monku wa yurushimasen no. Ano ne? Watashi no hanashi chanto kiiteru? Chotto... A, sore to ne? Shiroi ouma-san kimatteru desho? Mukae ni kite. Wakattara kashizuite te wo totte "ohime-sama" tte." You slightly blushed as you thought of Japan ACTUALLY taking your hand and calling you "Princess". The thought made you want to nosebleed and faint yet, you kept going. "Betsu ni wagamama nante itte nai n dakara. Demo ne sukoshi kurai shikatte kuretatte ii no yo?" You knew that after your little "show" you would nosebleed for sure. Japan scolding you...oh lord the possibilities in that category. "Sekai de watashi dake no ouji-sama. Ki ga tsuite hora hora. Otete ga aitemasu. Mukuchi de buaiso na ouji-sama. Mou doushite! Ki ga tsuite yo hayaku." Now South Korea was nosebleeding. You watched as North Korea helped out his brother by throwing a towel at his face. You sweatdropped; North still despised South. "Zettai KIMI wa wakatte nai! Wakatte nai wa..." You were surprised that your voice didn't crack at this. Maybe your practicing of singing all by yourself was paying off. "Ichigo no notta SHOOTOKEEKI. Kodawari tamago no torokeru PURIN. Minna minna gaman shimasu... Wagamama na ko dato omowanai de. Watashi datte yareba dekiru mon. Ato de koukai suru wa yo." Oh look at that...you made North Korea nosebleed too. "Touzen desu! Datte watashi wa!" You took a deep breath before you finished the song's last stanza. "Sekai de ichiban ohime-sama. Chanto mitete yo ne dokoka ni icchau yo? Fui ni dakishimerareta kyuu ni sonna e? "Hikareru abunai yo" Sou itte soppo muku KIMI...Kocchi no ga abunai wa yo!" As soon as you finished you left the roof and to your room.

I literally can’t function from any of that anymore.

I can’t even speak Japanese.

--- Panting, you leaned against you door. "DID I REALLY JUST DO THAT?!" You screamed. You hyperventilated. Why DID you do that? Out of all of the stupid things you did... You shook your head out of disapproval towards yourself. "Like, are you okay?" You turned to your left to see Poland standing there. How the hell did he get in your room?

The door.

Duh.

“HEARTATTACK!" You yelled as you clutched your heart.

  Poland only slightly laughed at you. "You know you made North Korea want to stay here too." What? What did he just say? North Korea? But he...YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHETHER NORTH WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A GIRL OR BOY! In fandom North is sometimes a girl and sometimes a boy but...the real North looked like a guy to you. All you could say was,"I did what?"

~Kat